Hell, I'd even hit THAT

Brains are sexy.

blah blah blah

too tired to type

berlin <3

MARTIN'S COMING BACK FOR GOOD TOMORROW!

Remember this guy? The one who who looked like a mix between Curt Cobain and a cocker spaniel? He gave me free candy today. I'm going to have an affair with a grocery store-guy, I know it. It's actually kind of good because I think it's somewhere on my To Do List: Life Edition.

Yesterday was fun until I got way too drunk and my 'rents came to pick me up. As a result, I'm super-hungover and extremely tired, sooo... depressed. Damnit! This is not the time to get all wimpy about everything. About jailbait and Ian and everyone finding their goddamned soulmate and my life circling around boys and school and the lack of school and the effect of this withdrawal. Post traumatic stress syndrome? Yes.

You might, however, ask yourself what I was doing at the grocery store. The answer is that I was buying the following:

• Three apples
• Two oranges
• A small bag of travel-sized cheeses
• Volumizing shampoo
• Shower gel (scent: "Dancing Light", I couldn't resist. The bottle is pink and glittery and SJP has promoted it)
• A loaf of bread
• A small paper bag of pistacchios
• Walnut cheese (for mom)

Now, if you can't draw a precise conclusion from this... You suck. I'M GOING TO BERLIN! Duh. I mean, the food is for snacks, because we all know that Berlinian snacks are like sweaty cheese and some bratwurst, and the shampoo and the shower gel are for hotel showering. I'm a sucker for hotel showering.

Curt/dog-man couldn't seem to get the barcode-thingie to work on the shower gel, so he had to call someone, like the office or whatever. And then, he had to say "dancing light" and describe the bottle. It was fun. Then he gave me some candy, but it was one of those sour pink/blue bottle thingies, which very much hurt the burns on my lips*. Oh, never mind. I wasn't wearing make up and he hit on my anyway, so: SCORE!

*burns on lips achieved during backwards-cigar smoking last night. Don't try it at home, it's very jackass. And I didn't mean to do it. You may laugh.

I'd do him

Countdown: 17 Days

I was just a girl then

I've been here twice today already, ending up with nothing but a blank space. I don't quite know what's wrong, but it's something.

Anyway, last night was pretty fun. Ylva, Kajsa, Joey, Martyna and I went to the Carneval held in Lund every fourth year. All the students go crazy and get drunk, that's pretty much it. There was so much people, I lost all of my girls around 10.30 and felt like genuine shit. So, after waiting for 45 minutes without seeing anyone and without recieving any phonecalls (not that anybody could get through, the whole network was down due to the immense amount of people there), I decided to call it a night and went out of the Carneval area and back to the bus stop. There I sat for about 15 minutes, thinking about the crappiness of life. When Kajsa and Joey called in the midst of my pityful thoughts, I was lured back to the giant party that is the Carneval. After that weird interrupotion, I met a bunch of Scottish men in kilts (I love kilts!) and started dancing on the tables in a tent. A good turnaround, in other words.

Today, after surviving a badass hangover, I found out that Ian is working in Maine. He's been there for a couple of weeks now, and he's staying until July 20. This explains a lot, especially since he today told me that it's difficult to meet people our age, because of the drinking age being 21, bla bla bla. So, obviously, that's why he started talking to me again. I did find it extremely weird. But, on the other hand, he always says hi when he logs on to MSN messenger (which is where all of our convos take place). So, what does this young man want? Blah.

Gosh golly, I almost contemplated inviting him to Kajsa's party in June! That would have been extremely embarassing, him getting to dump me twice within six months.

My parents are having a dinner party tonight, and if you've ever heard 8 drunk Polish people in the same room with eachother, you'd feel like crap too. I want to cure my hangover, read some Swedish for Monday and Tuesday (very last exams, yay!) and watch some lame movie. Not going to happen...

I need to be more careful with whom I blog about! An internet friend of mine (hi, gurrap!) is internet friends with Ian. However, he's promised not to say anything. I trust him. But what the hell are the odds?

MSN really brings out my intelligence

Natalie säger:
en gång hånglade jag med en kille som såg ut som mike skinner
Natalie säger:
the greatest achievement of my life.

[Natalie says:
once, I made out with a guy who looked like Mike Skinner
Natalie says:
the greatest achievement of my life.]

Well, that's no surprise.

Hot 47% "Ghetto" 47% Punk 40% Stoner 40% Geek/Nerd 40% Emo Kid 27% Loner 20% Prep 20% Goth 20% Jock 7% What Highschool Clique Do You Belong To? created with QuizFarm.com

So.

Ian is this guy I met at a party in Gothenburg last August. He was on my mind non stop for the following three months, and a month after our second encounter (at another party in Gothenburg), countless late night MSN-sessions and a couple of phonecalls and text messages I decided to tell him this. Yeah, he didn't respond well. So I removed him from my MSN-list, without blocking him, in case he'd come around. He did, but six months later.

Now, don't tell me that's not interesting.

Ian's birthday is April 20; he's my age but graduated one year early from high school; started some education at Chalmer's technical school in Gothenburg last fall but was lazy so dropped out; is a semi-professional windsurfer; currently works in the harbor in G-town, manufacturing some kind of boats; has blond hair (my only weakness, I swear); is a pretty decent kisser; is so perfectly tall for me; lends me his jacket when I'm cold; takes good care of overly refreshed friends; is very very funny; has a good taste in music and... is extremely weird.

I've sent the infamous message log from Sunday to a couple of close and up-to-date friends for advice, and the general opinion is that he was, and perhaps is, very nervous. HAHAHA! The victory, and coolness, are both mine.

And no, I don't write about all of my [countless] flirts here. This is, after all, the goddamned internet. However, I did so with Ian. I don't know why but I hope you people appreciate it. It feels kind of good. And also, I only write about the good parts. I'm not really in the mood for writing long blogs when I've been recently dumped or anything. Not that it happens a lot or anything. Nah.

On the other hand...

See what I'm talking about?

I love myself a truly evil blond man.

Draco>Ron, but it'll have to do.

You scored as Ron Weasley. If you went to Hogwarts you would be screwing Ron Weasley. Now don't let the fact that he's Harry Potter's side kick discourage you, there is a lot more to Ron than meets the eye. And thats what you love about him. He's sweet, sensitive, quirky, and not to mention a firey red head. You know what that means? It means he'll fuck your brains out if you let him! He had you on your back the second you heard he stole a car! So go head girl go head get down. Ron Weasley 80% Draco Malfoy 75% Cedric Diggory 65% Percy Weasley 60% Harry Potter 55% Victor Krum 50% Fred and George Weasley 40% No one, your a prude 30% WHO ARE YOU SCREWING AT HOGWARTS?? created with QuizFarm.com

This is a sticky situation

Lack of activity makes me think. Nah, I'll just listen to Danko Jones.

my favorite situation
is of a sticky kind

(...)

i used to want you
now i don't want to

Angry happy music is the best kind ever. I can always relate to it. I'm angry and happy.

Oh! I have lilacs in my room.

So pretty.

Tomorrow I'm going to Ystad with Kajsa to look for her graduation skirt. I haven't been to Ystad for about seven years. I love having friends with cars.

I hope Ian will suck up some more tomorrow. He hasn't been online since this morning as far as I know, and I sure as hell do not intend to say hi. This is sick; if someone would have told me three months ago that I'd be writing about Ian now, I'd either laugh at them or kill them. Oh well, until he comes around I'll just read the message log from last night - I was so cool.

Dagens Visa

Bright Eyes - You will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will.

Will you?

I gotta testify

Okay, so. The blast from the past started talking to me last night. I hadn't blocked him from my MSN-list; just removed him. I remember when I did it in November, remembering that this way he could still talk to me, should he want to. And by that I meant that he should want to within a month or so. Not half a year later.

See, I'm actually over him. The only thing I feel when I think about him is some kind of shallow attraction, but nothing seriously emotional. I had it bad all through last fall, but I'm cured now. I just can't figure out what he wants. The fact that he even started talking to me again is absurd and shocking, yet it makes me feel so cool. I'm hot and unforgettable.

The pessimist side of me claims he only had the Sunday-night blues, based on what he said when I asked him why now, after six months. "I kind of feel bad that we never talk anymore. Or, well, I feel really sad about it, so I figured I ought to say something." Well, yeah son, but why now? Where's the logic there? I see three alternatives:

1. He's actually honest and despite some other flings, he's stuck on me. (Not very probable.)
2. He's an asshole and had the Sunday-night blues, and needed some admiration and confirmation. So he chose to say hi to someone he thought surely would provide this. Not very logical that he'd talk to ME, yet a pretty probable chain of events (50% probable)
3. He expects me to be over him by now and wants to create some kind of non-romantic relationship between us (50%)

So. I didn't want his friendship in November, and I sure as hell don't want it now. If he wants to establish some semi-romantic thing, with us hooking up from time to time... well, I don't know. He'd have to suck up to me a lot first.

That's pretty much what I want from him right now. A lot of sucking up and taking the intiative.

You're a boomerang you'll see
You will return to me

You will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will you?

He DID!

ding-ding-ding

You wanna know who's back for round two?

T H I S.

The End of an Era

I don't know where to start. These past months have been sick, insane and extremely intense. Even when I haven't been studying, there has constantly been something I could or should be doing. Like, a World Lit essay, a Written Task, a project here, an Extended Essay there. Even if I had done all of my internally assessed stuff, the notion of exams would always be hanging over my head and pounding me in the eyes with a sledgehammer (I've managed to develop an extremely strong defence mechanism for these situations; denial).

With only one subject left, the easiest, I feel such a relief. I'm not quite sure I've understood it yet - this idea of me not having anything to do. I've gotten accommodated to the constant stream of tasks that IS the International Baccalaureate Programme, and I believe I have learnt to like it. Despite the parties and other social gatherings (not very many - I know how to prioritoze) that I've had to miss in favor of my school work, I do not regret choosing this. However, the last couple of weeks have sort of awaken the thought in me - what if I would have chosen an easier program, and aced all of my classes? I don't think I'm taking that seriously, though. I do not regret choosing the IB. Despite the approximately 100 sleepless nights, despite the increase in heart rate that one might experience if not doing anything school-related for a while. Kajsa spent the night here, and we couldn't stop talking about the fact that we didn't have to do anything today. We didn't have to read any papers, or any books, or meet with anyone at the library for a stupid project. It's sick.

The last couple of times that Kajsa has spent the night here, we've always woken up around 7 or 8 (which is pretty early, considering the fact that we probably went to bed around 4) , feeling that we should be studying. We'e woken up, and before even looking at the clock, we'd feel our hearts starting to beat extra quickly, and we'd realize that we have to do a bunch of boring things that day. Things that are not suited for two hungover teenaged brains. This did not happen this morning. This little aspect is such a huge change in our lives, I can't even start to tell you. And yes, I realize that I'm not entirely done yet, but technially, I don't have to move my ass from this chair for about a week. What a pretty thought.

The secondary emotion resulting from the end of this era is a feeling of loss. Not that I miss it all; or maybe I do. I hate people who get nostalgic over things even before they've ended, so I don't want to be like that. However, the IB has been my life for almost three years now, and it's diffcult to go. It's like a relationship that goes bad after three years and you have to break up (tell me when I sound pathetic) - even though it sucked, you kind of miss it. Out of habit.

Okay, so: I refuse to miss this now. I'm moving on to bigger and better things, such as a kick-ass job at camp this summer. Yeah! I got the job, even though I didn't make it at first, but was assigned some kind of reserve place. Now I'm going to work in Barnens By (The Children's Village) with a bunch of great people and about 1000 different kids. I'm not going to work with all of them, no. Spoke to an old friend from there today and got so excited about the job, because it really is great. It pays like 25-30.00 for seven weeks of work. That's good. For me.

Also, ahead of me is the wildest party period of my life so far. This is what the schedule looks lke right now:

• This Friday: The Carneval in Lund - a bunch of college students get drunk on cheap beer and will hit on me because I'm jailbait
• Next Tuesday: The very last exam takes place, and apart from the... pardon me... "Book-returning party" we're having in the cafeteria at school with all of our teachers, the IB class of 2006 is having a wild party in the park at about 5 or 6 PM. Be there, or be square. We're going to be both, honoring our reputation as nerds.
• Next Thursday: Joey, Jompa, Kajsa, Martyna, Rasmus and I leave for Berlin. Can we say electro, techno and cheap booze? And indie people? And retro decorating? And culture? And trendyness? Yes, we can. ALSO: Martin comes home! Celebrate good times, come on!
  
• May 30 (I think): The class of 2006 has their "Utsparkslekar" (i.e. "kick-out games") in beforementioned park. Think baseball, beer, flour and eggs. Don't wear your prettiest clothes.
• June 6: Lecille, Ylva and I are meeting up at 6.06 AM to celebrate the Swedish national holiday. And the number of the beast. 06.06.06 at 06.06 AM. See the pattern? The plan is to get drunk. I've never been freshly drunk at that hour, and I stand firm in my belief that there's a first for everything.
• June 7: GRADUATION DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• June 8: Lecille's graduation! I'm going to their school disco-thing. The rival school. We're so Hogwarts.
• June 9: Milana's graduation!
• June 10: School's officially out! Everyone goes to church and gets money, if they have good grades. Also, Kajsa's huge party pt 1.
• June 11: Kajsa's huge party pt 2.
• June 13: Ylva's graduation! (I think.)
• June 17: My birthday!
  

Okay, so, you get the point. Parties ahoy. Oh. My poor liver.

Yesterday was spent at Jompa's, and then a pathetic night club. Never going there again, not even if I get paid. Spent all of my boozing money at McDonald's, because I'd gotten drunk enough at Jompa's. Don't I just sound like a true lady? Getting drunk off of other people's booze. Getting drunk period. Never mind - I had like 35 kr. Wouldn't have gotten very drunk anyway *sad face*. And I owe Lecille 14 kr and my eternal love.

Tomorrow's shopping for graduation sweater, graduation necklace and graduation panties day. Yeah, graduation panties; you heard me. If, and only if, you've managaed to read through my blog-o-rrhea to this point, I promise to send you a picture of them.

And remember - a true lady always sticks to her promises.

This Is Me

Possibly, that's all

I'm going to kill somebody. Preferably jailbait. He makes me so angry, I'm mad at myself for reacting to this. Fuck him. Fuck him fuck him fuck him. Yes, I like the attention but being underprioritized is one thing I can not stand.

Dagens Visa

Happy angry funky good.

nobody really cares what you have to say

Hi! Life sucked today, I started crying on the grass outside the gym after math. That doesn't necessarily mean that I sucked at the exam. No, I think I had just been so damn worked up and nervous. Faling down on the grass felt like such a relief, I just started crying.

Okay, two down, twelve to go.

DO YOU KISS ON THE FIRST DATE?

You know you're in the IB when you can spell to 'Baccalaureate'

This is it. My stomach hurts.

I don't want to have to do the retake exams next year; it's not an option.

That's why I'm going to do my very best the following 22 days. Starting tomorrow. Wish me luck!