she's losing it!

December 24, 2005

All you need is love

I need to go back to shorter paragraphs in my blog. Send a thought to all those affected by Nerd Attention Deficit Disorder. I'm one of them.

Anyway. This day started of crappily, because my parents had some kind of ugly fight last night, which made the atmosphere here very tense. Sucks. I had to get up pretty early and clean my room, and vacuum the house. That sucks too. I'm pretty much done now, though, but things kind of sucked anyway, until just a few minutes ago.

A few minutes ago, I found out that a virtual friend of mine, Stefan, had met his long-term internet crush, and that they were more in love than ever. That made me very, very happy. I'm not that close with Stefan, and I've made fun of him all the time. I mean, come on, she's from Japan and he's from Norrköping... just because he's moving to Shanghai for a year doesn't mean he'll automatically hook up with some cute Asian. But he kind of did, and after hearing about this Japanese girl for more than eight months, they're finally together. Now, if that's not cute and christmas-y, then I don't know what is. All you need is love.

December 23, 2005

Bring it on!

As I was riding my bike through the annual Christmas rain on my way to Jägersro Center in order to finalize my Christmas shopping, I decided to summarise this past year. Yes, I am aware of the fact that more than a week of it remains, but I don't think of that as an issue, since I won't have any problem whatsoever with letting 2005 go.

This year has, in terms of pretty much everything, sucked. Let's start with the obvious: guys. The first crush of the year, and perhaps the most devastating one, was the guy who owned the café where me and my friends held the New Year's party last year. He didn't have the chance to blow me off until early April, though, after merely one week of leading me on. Sucked a lot. Mid-April was the time for my much-feared IRL-date with Erik. Yes. That didn't work out. I don't know if it was the fact that I had changed my mind about the whole thing about a week prior to the date, or perhaps the fact that he now, in retrospect, appears to be a socially impaired freak. These events in combination caused me to seriously reconsider my situation. I decided to take a break from men, which turned out so-so. The summer camp where I worked was filled with hunks, highly crushable, but yet, nothing really serious arose. Which was good. With me being off men and all. Didn't feel good at the time though, so when Kajsa in August presented me with the opportunity of road tripping with her, Martyna and Joey to Kajsa's cousin in Gothenburg in order to visit some man-stashed party, who was I to say no? Little did I know that the party would be the beginning of a fling that would affect me until the end of the year. I speak of none other than the disaster called Ian, the man that seems to have neither heart nor brain, but somehow is able to use them both in order to trick little girls like me. I'm so lame for writing that last sentence.

That was that, you say? Well, school-wise, things have also sucked. I'm not happy with the way my Extended Essay came out, and I think that by now, people close to me understand that it's a big deal. My grades are being lowered due to laziness (one of the seven deadly sins, if I'm not mistaken) and I have overdue lab reports, essays and other things, which I really need to do during the holidays. I'm lagging (is that a word?) behind in each subject. What really sucks is that I only have myself to blame.

These things may not seem very important to you, but essentially, they're what my life consists of. Okay, that was an oversimplification, but sure as hell, they do affect every aspect of my life. Lame? Again, yes. That's why this year has sucked. Really, really sucked.

Please, don't get me wrong, I have two arms and two legs and one head, and a loving family and awesome friends but I'm also a great fan of bitching. And oh yeah, this is my blog. Sod off if you don't like it.

In conclusion, this is why I'm looking forward to the next year. Bring on the ulcers, bring on the final exams. Bring on the long, cold spring and bring on the fights with my mom. Graduation, school trips, parties. Getting drunk and making out, being sober and wishing I was drunk. Last minute studying and preparing for oral presentations. Applying to college and going to the States. Finding out what I should do with my life and finding out how. I'm not saying that all of these things will be included in 2006, but some of them, at least. Bring it on!

December 22, 2005

Would've, could've, should've

Tomorrow's one month since I talked to Ian. Maybe I should stop wasting emotions on him, since I'm obviously only hurting myself. If he was being hurt too, albeit only a small blemish, I'd be delighted. But he's not. So, screw him.

Yeah. Yesterday was spent with Johanna, and this junior from our school, on which she has a crush. (Note that him being a junior makes us seniors. I can't be bothered with translating the other levels of Swedish high school, since there are only 3.) He's very nice and kind of cute (in a geeky way), and he and his friends are coming to my party in january. Oh yeah, I'm having a party. Let me know if you want to come, because I really have no idea whom I have slash have not invited. Anyway, Johanna was having a great time on her date, and all I was doing was wondering what the hell I was doing there. It was supposed to be me and her, shopping together and going for tea and a cookie, but it ended up being me and her and mr Junior and occasionally his friends. And when it was just me and her walking alone, all we did was discuss him and his behavior. Fine, it's girl talk and I love it. Ususally. Right now, I'm very much not in the mood for seing happy couples and people falling in love. Yes, it's nice, but unless it wants puke all over its face, get it out of my sight.

New year's: probably going to cute Jompa's for a party, then continuing to KB for some dancing, and then back to Jompa for an after party. And after that, there's the after-after party at Martyna's, where I'm spending the night. Unless... a better suggestion comes up. Which I will reject. Yeah, sucks to be me.

Whatever! Here's a lovely picture of Jompa in Prague. Enjoy!


Okay, so he's not very cute in this pic. But hey... pink cowboy hats aren't for everyone.

December 21, 2005

Nobody said it was easy

School's out! Not forever, though. For this year. And that statement is a slight modification of truth, since we officially have classes until 10 am tomorrow (today). I don't think I'm going to 90 minutes of French at 8.15... or am I?
Can you believe it's Cristmas this weekend? I thought we were somewhere mid-October. Whoa.

I feel funny. Like, lonely. And weird. And it's 1 am, so... I guess that explains why things suck right now. Weird, though. Huh.

December 14, 2005

dance! dance! dance!

And this is what my blog looks like on Sean:

Is it me? Is it Internet Explorer? Is it Sean? Is it an airplane?

Okay, so

I just wrote the world's longest entry about Lucia. And other stuff. And then Internet Explorer sucked.

Short version: Lucia is a catholic Italian saint, tortured, had to poke out her own eyeballs from their sockets and send them on a train somewhere. This is what I learnt in kindergarten, so the details might be blurry. Lucia-day is celebrated every year on December 13. People dress upp like this:


And we sing and walk around without shoes in the snow. No, we don't. This picture is slightly misleading since a) shoes are essential in December and b) my part of the country never ever has snow by Lucia-day. The guy in the back, with the funny, pointy hat is a stjärngosse (starboy (don't laugh)). Please do not confuse with stjärtgosse (buttboy).

So, the day before Lucia-day you stay up late in order to do the whole candle-white dress-red ribbon thing early in the morning. However, nowadays most people just use it as an excuse to party on a weekday. Me and my nice friends decided to go to the movies again, as usual. Three movies; all secret; 12 pm-6am; Lucia Movie Night. All the movies sucked this year, but it was still cosy. Since I'd stayed up all night I slept all day, which means my skipping-quota for the rest of this semester is filled. In order to soothe my guilty concience, I intend to go to the voluntary biology lesson this Friday morning. Am I sick? There's definately something wrong with me. The five schooldays left this year are going to be LONG.

The library, where I used to work for almost 3 years, had it's 100th anniversary-thingie that evening, and were open until 12.30 pm. Kind of cool, I think. The new part of the building, called Ljusets Kalender or The Calender of Light (I puke at that name, too) had a stage in the middle of the room and a wicked lightshow going on. If you've ever seen our minimalistic library, you'd know it was cool to have a lightshow in there. And rock concerts: Forest and Crispian, a great rock band that played at our school in October, were there and they were actually really good. Couldn't find any pics of the lightstuff but here's one of the band:


So, dogs... Yeah.

And: what do I do after school? This?

December 11, 2005

Why?!

Why is the HTML of this site totally messed up? The sidebar has sunk all the way down there. See it? Noooo, because you have to scroll down. And I don't want to undo all the changes I've done now. Or maybe I'm just lazy. Help?

December 09, 2005

Three or four lines

I guess I should tell cyberspace whatever happened to Ian. Yeah... So, I confronted him, on MSN of course, and said that I had a crush on him and that if he didn't feel the same, we probably should stop chatting. It was getting kind of annoying hearing about all of his ladies.

Shit happens!

Okay, so, yesterday was the IB Cabaret. I had a great time, both dancing in the opening act (even though S from the group sucked and they cut us off way too early) and as the host of the evening. My co-hosts were Frida, Vincent M and Jonathan. The IB2 play was such a success! All of the teachers that were there laughed so hard. Both Magnus and Anders Carlsson (the IB Co-ordinator, like, the IB principal) hugged me and said it was awesome afterwards. Not that I had anything to do with the actual acts of the Cabaret, but I guess I was the front person or something. Or at least a quarter of the front person. Anyway, I wore a short dress and that was interesting. I think the sound people on front row got a free peep show. Hey, I'm a generous person...

When we were leaving school, while Kajsa and I were walking down the stairs, she says: "I don't know if my boobs are jumping around more than I'm drunk!" (It made grammatical sense then.) As we turn a corner, Andes Carlsson smiles and wishes us a nice evening and I'm convinced that Kajsa died a little, or very much, on the inside.

Afterwards, we all went to UFO, by far the nastiest pub in the whole of Malmö. Well, it's good because they don't check for ID's, but since I'm 18, I don't care. However, some of the people there were like empathic (yeurgh) and conciderate so we had to be all nice to the widdle kiddies and go to UFO. Did I mention I have a VIP card from UFO? Had it since this spring. I carry it with pride.

Almost everyone from the Cabaret was there, along with some guests. Martin was there! HE'S HOME! YAY! Anyway, me and Martyna and Jasmine (one of the main organizers) started dancing on the tiny dance floor and were joined by like 20 people within a minute. I danced with everyone, even with Hampus whom I sort of hate, and with the other Hampus who is kind of cute, even though he was The Russian Federation during the Model UN last week (?), when I was the USA. I danced and danced and danced and then Anders Carlsson was dancing next to me. "Fucking shocking" as Anna Ellmark would have said to Matt McGee. Anders is great. He smokes a pipe. Funny.

Oh, some of the old IB2's came by (I like to call them IB3's) and hung out with us. Erik Wahren, the guy with the mightily curly hair, was hitting in me and like actually grabbing my ass and stuff, which was not only weird and kind of scary but also very confusing, because I was convinced he was still with his gilrfriend of like three years. Apparently not. I asked him before I left (after he'd pulled me down on top of him when I had attempted to hug him goodbye) and he said that she had broken up about two months ago. And then... then he asked if he could sleep at my place, because "I have nowhere to sleep tonigh". Uhm. I said that that would be a bad idea, since my parents probably wouldn't have been delighted. Which is true. What I didn't say was that there is no way in hell he was sleeping at my place. Because.

And, I bring to you:

I look just like her when I have Kajsa's black wig on. Just like her.

December 03, 2005

Aesthetic Yap

It was in the March of the winter I turned seventeen
That I bought those pills I thought I would need
And I wrote a letter to my family
Said it's not your fault
And you've been good to me
It's just lately I've been feeling
Like I don't belong
Like the ground's not mine to walk upon

(---)

So please forgive what I have done
No, you can't stay mad at the setting sun
Cause we all get tired, I mean eventually
There is nothing left to do but sleep

(---)

I wrote this for a baby
Who has yet to be born
My brother's first child
I hope that womb's not too warm
Cause it's cold out here
And it will be quite a shock
To breathe this air
To discover loss
So I'd like to make some changes
Before you arrive
So when your new eyes meet mine
They won't see no lies
Just love
Just love

I will be pure
No, no, I know
I will be pure
Like snow, like gold
Like snow, like gold

(Bright Eyes, No lies, Just love)

The best part of having a brother is being able to actually identify with these lyrics to a larger extent. Not that I've ever bought any kind of pills, except for painkillers. And they don't kill, in the same sense of the word. I'm very fond of them, though.

Went to Joey's tonight. She lives over in Höllviken, or Kämpinge to be exact. I was invited, along with our people from school, to go there and do a bunch of christmasy things, like making smällkarameller (or sprängkarameller as Miko calls them) and drinking glögg and baking ginger snaps. It was nice. Really nice. None of the things I did today are things that I used to do with my family when I was younger, but I still associate them with christmas. Of course. And I did get that christmasy feeling I think I always felt when I was a child. At least I think so, but every time I tried to grasp it it disintegrated, or mutated into a solemn feeling of loneliness.

I wonder if anyone actually bothers to click on my hyperlinks. I know I wouldn't if I were you, but maybe I should try linking to say porn or tubgirl or something. Just for the heck of it.

Anyway, I met Joey's niece Selma today. She's just a baby, her first birthday was last week. Actually, it was her second birthday... wouldn't the day you were born qualify as a birthday? I think it should. Yes. Meeting Selma was the start of this whole No lies, just love-thing we're experiencing today. Babies are nice. Bright Eyes is nice. Speaking of which, I've written my wishlist for christmas:
  • Bright Eyes I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning
  • Jeff Buckley Grace
  • An MP3-player (don't laugh, I wouldn't get an Ipod even if I had been the nicest girl in the world during this year)
  • Stella McCartney's perfume
  • Socks (size 41)
  • Scented candles (flowery scents please!)
  • Face wash
  • Face toner

And that's about it. Lame? Perhaps. However, considering the fact that I got Sean for my birthday six months ago, I shouldn't ask for too much. I'd be happy with just the top 4 points on my list. Anyone have Santa's adress?

i am so leet


too tired to translate to english. anyway, it means i'm leet. and a geek.

December 02, 2005

we love you very very very very very very very much

Short day in school today, even though I had one more class than I usually do. Biology. We did the reproductive systems, so it was a blast. Besides, I already know everything about ovaries and urethras and testes. Well, almost everything.

After biology, history and maths, I met Ell for lunch. We decided to go to McDonald's, since last time we were at Burger King. I love the way we reason. Oh, and fat is good.

After picking up Ylva at her school, we went for a snack (yes! More food!) at a café called Mys ("Cosyness" or something), which isn't at all as corny as it sounds. It's kind of cosy, actually. I had the hot rose hip soup with the almond flakes and vanilla ice cream. Felt like a kid again. It was great to catch up with my homegirls again, since Ylva has been in France for 3 weeks and Ell and I... well, we never run out of things to talk about. I wonder how long it's possible to be best friends. I hope forever. Am I being childish? Yeah... but wouldn't it be cool to say, when I'm 76, that my best friend lives in the same old folk's home that I do, and that we're equally neglected by our children, and that we've been best friends since we were 2 and started at kindergarten and can you pweese pasch me my scheeth? They're in the glasch over there.

I'm staying home tonight. Well, obviously, since it's like 7 PM and I'm not drunk yet, nor getting ready to get drunk, nor applying make-up. So yeah. It's me, Morris (yes, Morris), Lee, my World Lit 2 essay on Thérèse Raquin, at least one of my way overdue biology labs, and Donnie Darko. There's gonna be some serious mys going on, you betcha.