School started today.

Depressing, huh?

Feels so much more serious now. Everyone is telling us now that "a deadline is a deadline" and I can already feel the pressure. First day of school and I already need to unwind. Silver lining: I'm graduating next year, yayums! And to be honest, it's going to be nice to have a routine to stick to. Buuut what really sucks is my schedule. Listen to this: according to my current information, I have like three or four classes on Thursdays, inevenly spread between 8.15 and 16.25. PLEASE SUCK MORE, DAY. Last class is 30 minutes of French. Like, how many people are going to stick with that class? Especially those who have it as their 7th subject? And I'm thinking of dropping psychology because it SUCKS, it's BORING and it's DIFFICULT. French on the other hand is less sucky, slightly less boring and quite a bit easier.

Tomorrow looks like this (I know you want to know):

9.00-9.40: Swedish (She's gonna ask me how my Extended is doing. Gulp.)

9.55-10.35: History (Oh. 40 minutes of fantasizing about Orlando Bloom.)

10.45-11.25: French (Have I done the summer reading? Guess thrice.)

LUNCH (I bet you it's gonna be like, spaghetti. They want to cheer us up and give the new students the idea that school is fu-fu-FUN!!!)

12.30-13.30: Biology (Boring? Yes. Easy? Yes. Do I have to pay attention? Yes. Do I like it? No.)

13.35-14.35: Math (Nothing to complain about here. Boring but oh, so easy.)

14.40-16.00: English (I need to rent that movie, The Great Gatsby. The book is just... yeah.)

After 16.00: Chrisis-meeting with the Yearbook staff. The IB Yearbook is due on Saturday and the number of articles I presently have is... *drumroll*... null.)

I'm in IB2 now. Respect!

This is the new IB logo. I prefer the old one though, looks more like a stamp. Like one of those stamps the doll gets from Santa on "Kalle Ankas Julafton". Only ours doesn't say "OK!" but IB. Looks a little summin like this:

There is actually an O included in this logo as well as the I and the B, and that is for the OOOrganisation. The newer logo (see above) is obviously meant for specific schools to show off with.

Moving on, I recently founf out that one of my elemantary school boyfriends is arrested for murder. Yeah, apparently his drug debts were so high (20 ooo kr) that he and two of his buddies decided to kill a 41-year old. Swedish readers, check this out: http://sydsvenskan.se/malmo/article112523.ece Slightly creepy. Is this what I do to my men? Oh my.

Okay! Gonna try to take a shower now, and put out my clothes for tomorrow. And pack my backpack. Yes. Organisation is the shit. At least for the first week of the semester, then I'm back on the slacker bitch track.

Time to bring out my thermocup and start drinking way too much coffee again!

Indeed, I am a nerd.

IT'S ALL ABOUT LOWERING

YOUR STANDARDS.

I'm in the middle of finding myself. I never understood that phrase, but it sounds like what I'm doing now. I'm in between everything possible and I'm trying to sort of find out which way to lean. Sounds pretty dramatic but it really isn't.

I used to have a friend called Frida. We were pretty close, especially during the winter when we organized a party together and she came to me for comfort after her relatives had died in the tsunami. Actually, I don't think we were that close. I never really trusted her, that's for sure. Anyway, in stead of writing what was wrong with her I'll just cut to the chase and tell you that we sort of ended our relationship in June this year. It was a big decision and mostly mine, but it felt very good. Also, we didn't "break up" or anything, we just decided to let everything retract to a more primitive relationship. Uh, yeah. We're more like "kompisar" than "vänner" and it doesn't sound too big but it is.

I know Frida through Joey. They're both in my class now, but Frida just started last year after spending one year in Australia. I've known Joey for two years now and she's a very close friend of mine. While me and Frida had the first of our many fights during this spring, I tried discussing this with some of my friends from our class. Kajsa, Martyna, Johanna and Joey that is. I remember thinking that Joey would give me an explanation for Frida's behavior, since they's been friends since they were kids. Turns out, Joey agreed with me on all points and envied me for being able to tell Frida to her face. Apparently, Joey hadn't yet dared to talk to Frida about their friendship. Maybe because of their long relationship or something, but everything just wasn't right. Anyway. Joey had a talk with Frida last week and they've basically done the same thing we did. Pretty impressive. It feels wonderful to know that I don't have to listen to Frida the entire next year, but I have a feeling that this isn't over and done with quite yet. And I'm an optimist.

And check out this picture of me, taken by Lecille in June. In my garden actually, if I'm not mistaken.

Don't I look like the Halle Berry poster?

(actually, this is the mysterious and sexy look I'm working on right now.)

Hiya.

So. Post-camp life seems so empty and lonely and weird. Like Lecille and I said when we got back last Thursday: it's like you're used to only seeing faces you recognize. So when you see a stranger on the street, you assume in the back of your head that s/he is just a parent visiting a child or some other kind of visitor in the Village.

Oh... Malin sent me this pic of AG... I know it's psycho but you need to see it.

When she and I were talking on MSN earlier, she told me about the party where everyone had gotten sooo drunk and blah blah blah. I really wanted to come. Apparently, AG was quite tipsy and sort of up for grabs.
Aw man. But he is working next summer, at least that's what Märta had said.

I know I'm off men and all, but thinking about AG and the whole putting too much hopes into everything-issue just makes me so depressed. At first, when Malin and I were discussing how sweet and cute and funny AG is, I started thinking about how perfect he'd be. And I still think so. But then I remembered what's wrong with me, and I just lost all hope of ever being like, cured. Maybe obsessing is what I do? Maybe I'm doomed.

Maybe not. Actually, to quote U2: I know I'm not a hopeless case. I just need to know if it's going to take much longer because it's not fun anymore, being in between and neither this nor that.

Urgh. Shouldn’t have had those noodles. Feeling slightly nauseous.

Can you believe it? This is the last day of July of the summer when I turned 18. You know.

I did a bad thing. Last March I met this Danish guy at a club and he gave me his number. The other night, at camp, Ell and me were in bed and somehow, I decided to text him. I wrote, “I’m pregnant. We need to talk.” And no, he doesn’t have my number, but I figured he hadn’t been hitting in too many Swedish girls. He replied “Hi Chris” so I figure he thinks I’m some Swedish friend of his. It was a very infantile thing to do, I realize that, but still, it was a fun prank. When you’re a camp leader, you really get to learn to appreciate infantile pranks. Yeah.

I worked as chef in my cabin/house/thingy yesterday. It went pretty well, except that lunch was 30 minutes late. No real problem though, food is always late at camp. I’m just lucky we didn’t have any scheduled activities straight after lunch. And today I was asked to be chef on Tuesday and Wednesday too. I’m taking the offer of course; it gives me more moolah if I work as a chef than as a youth-intern-person.

Friday night was odd… I was free after 3 PM and didn’t know what to do. After chilling with the Chef for a while, I went for dinner and then I took a shower. AND THEN… I went to The Block. The Rock-Chef a.k.a. Olof and me went out for a smoke and started talking. I asked if he was going on the big party on Thursday and he said no. I was so shocked and kept asking him why not, and finally he fessed up: he’s an alcoholic. I was kind of shocked and I didn’t really know how to react, but I tried to ask some more about his disease and stuff. Turns out, he lived two years in London after graduating, and he said that’s where he learnt to drink. He also told me about this fucked up relationship he’d had with a British woman. She was like nine years older than him and he said she treated him as her boytoy or something. It was kind of bizarre and yet great to have that conversation with him. And I’m pretty sure he wasn’t kidding, but you can never be sure with Village staff.

So, Friday night was spent smoking and watching Lost In Translation. I liked the little I saw of that movie. Saturday was great… I found out that the leaders were organizing this prank, where 30 kids would be invited to the Block, to find out what the leaders and chefs really do at night. All of the leaders and chefs, including me dressed up as gangsters or hoes and the Block was reorganized or whatever, so that a boxing ring with mattresses and ropes was in the middle. There was a bar in the back and some tables and chairs and sofas around the ring. About 25 leaders and chefs had gathered to make the play perfect. I was a Polish-Korean pleasure girl. I liked my part a lot; I think I’m going to start wearing mini skirts more often.

Anyway, four fights between leaders were arranged beforehand. They had hilarious alter egos, like Kris the Klone (half man, half hermit crab… a.k.a. MatrixMartin from Ingrid) and Killer and Miller Frankenstein (Katri and her sister – separated at birth) and they had all been practising some moves before the kids got there. So, The Chef (who was called the Man with the Fez for the evening) was bookmaker and all the kids went to him to place their bets. I just sat there looking hot and trashy. My chef, Susanna, stared at me and gave me the finger now and then. The Rock-Chef (Guard) kept giving me weird looks and blinking so I blinked back. Fun. And no, I’m not interested.

AG and his two jazzy friends scatted some jazz and were SO cool. I love that badaboom violin.

After the fight-club thing Malin, Märta, a bunch of the chefs including cute AG and me went swimming. Cold water but so much fun, and it felt good too.

Oh yeah, the evening started with the gang going down to Stora Badet to have a beer. On our way back I walked with MatrixMartin and we talked for a while. He’s kind of eccentric but nice. And he has a weirdly cute face when he takes his ugly sunshades off (no, I’m not interested).

I also talked to Martin for like two hours on our way back from work, since we went on the bus and train together. He’s really nice to talk to… Yeah, eccentric but funny in a weird and slow way. He carried a stick with a cranium on top of it all the way from the Village to Malmö… I walked next to him and couldn’t stop smiling. People were staring! Funny. Anyway, turns out Martin plays like all instruments possible and he even studies music theory in Piteå or something. He wants to become a teacher… Suicidal. He’s also athletic, used to be a very good swimmer but now he’s more into martial arts.

Blah blah blah. I’m so tired and The Godfather 2 is on in five minutes.