Bye, kids. This is me, leaving for camp. See ya later!

Nineteen feels pretty much like eighteen.

I can't do anything new; the thought of living at home for another full year repulses me; I'm still as lonely as I was a year ago; I'm spoilt with friends, family and material wealth and too stupid to appreciate it. Cheers.

berlin, baby

Dear Diary

Just like I predicted, the last couple of weeks have been hectic. It started with the graduation pani last weekend; do I have all of the clothes I need? What do I want to get from relatives? And of course, add to this the guilt given so generously by my mother when she gave me the bill for the party, my clothes and the gift. Not that she wanted me to return the 12 grand or anything; she just wanted me to see it. Thanks a lot.

The gift; oh my god! It's a white Ipod Nano. 2 GB, which I have managed to fill already. It hurts to leave out some songs... The filtering procedure is painful. But it's so wonderful, not having to drag along a crappy portable CD-player anymore, just listening to the songs I actually have on CD and buying batteries every five seconds.

After the stress of my own graduation, came the somewhat more pleasant party stress. For four consecutive nights I was drunk out of my mind and danced like crazy. It was like Berlin all over again. And believe it or not, it was lovely.

Tomorrow's my birthday, and Monday means back to camp. I'm spending my third consecutive summer in the same place. What is it with people and routines? Anyway, camp life is pretty sweet. I'm going to cook this year, it will be exciting. To say the least. Food poisoning is in.

pam-pa-pa-pa-pam

valuable lessons learnt these last couple of days

• don't eat if you want to get drunk
• i love having this much money
• sleeping is for losers
• blondes have more fun
• spooning is uncomfortable yet nice

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

Dumb, dumb, dumb

I hate being disappointed. It is thus interesting to note that I'm pretty naïve and optimistic, and therefore often disappointed. Viscious circle, anyone?

Dagens visa: Aching to Pupate by Regina Spektor. Born in Moscow, raised in Brooklyn - what else do you need?

Tonight's Martin's 19th birthday party. I've missed him so much, and I can hardly believe he's actually home. Everyone else is going to KB afterwards, for the "Tribute to Led Zeppelin", but I have a cold and too little cash.

This is sick.

How old are we?

Traits I value in a friend:

• Honesty
  

Weak (again)

So. Berlin was lovely - the city's beautuful, the nightlife's amazing and the people are great. I can't really compare it to Prague, even though it fits in the frames of the same concept (i.e. that of a rather cheap party spot with a rich cultural heritage). It's just different, I guess. The trip in bullet points:

• Dancing for 4 consecutive nights makes you addicted
• Power naps - all hail'em
• Absinth is really not that bad ("absinth friends!")
• East Berlin is my baby
• Die Swedische Gruppe rocked the U-Bahn
• The Berlin wall is full of love
  

Yeah. That's pretty much it.

Tuesday; the graduation games with the entire class of 2006. I was smothered in ketchup, mayo, mustard, flour, eggs and beer. And yet, I had fun.

Last night: Saw Amelie at Martin's place. Good times. I haven't ever seen the end of that movie, so now I love it even more.

Tonight: Alterna-prom! Joey and I, and maybe some other outcasts are going to Möllan to celebrate that we're boycotting the prom. Boycotting is perhaps too strong a word, but we're not going. Yeah. I bought new clothes just for this occasion, so you better understand the graveness of the alterna-prom!

On nother note: I've been a bad girl. Well... At first I was a good girl. Then I became bad. Shprt version: When I came home from Berlin this Monday I told Jailbait that I didn't think we should talk for a while. I felt that whenever we talked I always tried to get him to like me or whatever, which is useless and ridiculous, because he doesn't feel that way about me. I guess I broke up... our non-existant relationship. It was really difficult, but I had to do it because it was some kind of vicious circle - every time we talked, I tried my best to make him like me, which probably makes me extremely unlikeable, so he didn't, resulting in me trying much harder.

Short version? Hah. Anyway, I said this to him and he didn't agree or anything, but he had no choice but to comply. So, last night he started talking to me over MSN. I was so happy about it, but I know it's bad. Really bad. Anyway, he ended up calling me and we talked for an hour or so.

See? Bad girl. I was trying to get Jailbait-detoxified, and he calls me, and I pick up, and I don't hang up, and I'm even nice to him. I'm so weak. And it felt so good. Instant gratification. I'm just waiting for the hangover from the high. It's going to be nasty.

Fuck it. Here's a song for ya.

Six days 'til graduation - YAY!