Playlist

1. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Into My Arms

So keep your candles burning
Make a journey bright and pure
That you'll keep returning always and evermore

2. Niccokick & José Gonzales - I Want You Back

TV screen
TV screen
Take me away from this
Pain
Cause everything is all about the same


3. Regina Spektor - Samson

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first
I loved you first


4. Thåström - Fanfanfan

Fast jag inte sett dig på så länge
Tänker jag på dig ibland
Det var nånting som fastnat på mig
Nåt som aldrig helt försvann
Fanfanfan det skulle varit du


5. Counting Crows - Colorblind

I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded
And unfolded
And unfolding

Fuck you and you and you. I don't feel so good.

No-one gets to come in

I'm tired, even though I've slept a lot the last couple of nights.

Hung out with Kajsa today. She's leaving for Paris next week.

I wish I could describe how this feels, but the words I'm using are not near enough adequate.

The only thing that makes me feel better is reorganizing my MSN Messenger contacts into new and improved groups, named brilliantly along the lines of "Buddies... Sorta" and "Wanking Idiots". Guess who... Or no, don't guess.

And you belong with me

So wonderfully, wonderfully, wonderfully pretty

Okay, since I've already let the world know that I need to get me some, I might aswell go all the way and get very personal. I'm going to hate myself for this in the morning.

What the hell, I have needs too. Maybe this will boost my statistics.

I need somebody (preferably taller than me, which is a lot to ask, I know) to put his arm around me when we're walking around in a cold and rainy city. I'd like someone to burp in my ear so that I can hit him playfully on the arm afterwards. It would be nice if someone could hug me for a long time, just to hold me. I'd like to kiss someone without alcohol, cigarette smoke and loud music being involved. I need to spoon and wake up and not be ashamed of the night.

God!

Buh-bye, IB

BLISS!

And every night I think I certaintly won't ever sleep sober or alone

Yeah, I've figured it out. I get depressed when I'm restless and bored. I need like, projects. Constant stimulation and instant pleasure. Current project: Bookcrossing.

Tonight: MarioKart at Ylva's, maybe the festival after that. Maybe not. It's raining like in October. The weather's been confused this summer.

Maybe my next project could be serious blogging. Like, aspiring at some award. Yeah... Maybe not. But I'd be happy to give you some illegally downloaded music.

The drunk kids
The Catholics
They're all about the same
They're waiting for something
Hoping to be saved

No-ones really there fighting for you in the last garison. No-one except yourself that is, no-one except you.

For the last couple of days, I've been crying non stop. And when I haven't been starting the waterworks, I've been feeling an urgent need to cry. Something's wrong. Yesterday, my mom asked me what was going on, and I had no idea. I'm like some mentally impaired idiot that just won't stop crying about pretty much everything.

Aaaand, since I've already told you that I'm discussing love and life with Ian, my old fling (which feels very absurd, if you didn't catch that), I might aswell tell you that he thinks that I'm down because I'm not getting any. The really sad thing is that I think he's right. And why I'm writing this in a blog that is public I do not know. It absolutely ruins the image of me I want the world to have.

By the way, this is me ending an era; not turning to Jailbait or Ian or anyone else for comfort and affirmation when I'm down.

This weekend taught me a couple of things. In the words of Mike Skinner:

The end of the something I did not want to end
Begining of hard times to come
But something that was not meant to be is done
And this is the start of what was

I will be pure

Shit.

I need a job, real bad. My parents told me yesterday that they don't support my choice of uni class for this fall, so they won't give me an allowance. My brother got money for buscards and winter clothes so I feel unfairly treated. This is great stuff for a book.

I also need to stop discussing my lovelife with Ian (WTF?!) .

I also need to stop crying about everything.

This is a bad day.

Crustaceans

Hello, my slightly neglected blog!

I've been home for a week now and I've been pretty busy all of the time, which has suited me perfectly. I miss camp life in the sense that I miss having people I like around me, and a lake within walking distance, and the possibility to lock myself in my room which can be as dirty and chaotic as I wish.

I do not miss waking up at 7.10 and snoozing to 7.14 every day, then walking through an unbearably cold forest (which within five hours will heat up to 30 degrees) and cooking porridge for spoilt brats.

So, the last week was to some extent spent in Ylva's grandparents summerhouse on Österlen. Malin, Sofia, Ylva and I fled there to avoid the shock that re-adjusting to the urban environment requires. Or, at the least we postponed it. I think I'm there now, at the shock-part of it all. Anyway, our three days were spent eating, driving around the countryside, and playing Trivial Pursuit. In other words, it was lovely. The fact that we had a rental car is amazing because it made me feel very adult. It was also extremely convenient, since we could go grocery shopping and stuff whenever we wanted to.

Saturday was Joey's crayfish-party, where I met some nice people and some not-so-nice people. This one guy, A, seemed great at first. He poured me a drink and teased my in a flirty manner. He seemed confident, witty and cool, and I almost fell in love right there and then despite his boring looks. After about 20 minutes, he told me he had a car and a motorbike. I was like "Yeah... great...?" and then offered me to go take a look at the car. I didn't quite understand what he meant so I declined the invitation, after which he offered me to go take a look at the backseat of his car. At this point I was signalling to Simon to come and save me, and he did. However, A started party-stalking me, so everytime I sat down to talk with someone, he was there, asking if he could hold my hand or have my number. Here's the really embarassing part: he has my number. I don't know what I was thinking (probably something along the lines of "I need to get me some" and "Maybe he's nice when he's sober") but I felt I couldn't be mean to him. After all, Joey had said that they were old friends, and I think I might have been afraid to hurt someone whom she cared about. Oh, who am I kidding, I'm a pussy. Need to toughen up.

If he calls, I'll pretend I only speak Polish. Or maybe I'll tell him I'm really a man.

Camp pics for you!

Benjamin aka Viagra and I in the middle of a water war:


The Chef and Malin:


Ylva, Malin and I (we're all very drunk):

Back for good

Camp is over. Again. As strange as ever, yes? And while I was gone, this blog had it's first birthday, and nobody celebrated it. Shame on you.

Anyway; today I spent a shitload of money. I bought a cellphone, red shiny shoes, jeans and hearphones. Oh oh, and a pair of expensive ear rings from a fancy indie cool etcetera shop called Tjallamalla. Funny thing: the jeans are like 4 sizes too small. And they fit, even though they're tight. They'll stretch, right? Anyway, they're cute, dark blue and slimmed. Oh. I love to shop.

Malin and Sofia, two of my camp-chef buddies, are planning a trip with Ylva, Ell and yours truly to Ylva's grandparents house at Österlen. We're leaving on Thursday and coming back sometime on Saturday, in time for Joey's party. Shit, I forgot to tell Ylva about that. I'll send her a text message in the morning... From my new and shiny cellphone.

Ian wants me to come to Indonesia with him and I recently found out he wants to be an author and that he writes short stories. Sensitive surfer, anyone? Jailbait wants me to visit next week and spoon with him. This is some fucked up shit.