bright eyes - the first day of my life

I wish I could make you all listen to that song right now. That's what I feel like. Not all of the lyrics, but the whole of it, the mood of it and the melody.

I don't know what makes me act like this and I hope nobody will ever see it. And this is way too personal for a blog. Thus:

Snooooooop!

I really should be sleeping. But that seems to be just plain impossible tonight. So I'll listen to Weezer, Cake and Gavin DeGraw (don't hate on him). I don't know what to write about.

Ian... I don't know. It's great sometimes but then I feel like I've screwed up and everything has to stop because I'm such a nerd and then I realize that the only nerdy thing I'm doing is blowing things way out of proportion. And then I start thinking like, jaysus, I'll never manage that marriage thing because I'll never get past the first date due to above mentioned nerdyness. The next step is total denial of all things Ian-esque and then I start over again. All of this within minutes, or seconds sometimes.

No! Must stop devoting this much blog space to boys. It was supposed to be about me, this blog. Thus: today I did something very Swedish. I glued some IKEA furniture together. I'm so cool. Furthermore, I wrote my World Literature Assignment in Swedish in less than 2 hours. Don't think that's a good sign though, but hey. It's done. On time. It was actually done like three hours ago. And since then I've been trying to fall asleep. Yeah... Not great results.

Weekend was spent with friends. Friday at Ell's with her and Ylva. I miss them a lot when we don't get together for a while. And Saturday night was spent at Rasmus' place with a bunch of people from school, cooking and eating. And watching the worst movie ever - "Elf". DO NOT SEE IT. Under any circumstances. Please. For the sake of this planet, the rainforests and all the little garden gnomes in Brazil. I AM BEGGING YOU and this is not a test, not a drill and NOT a joke. Thank you.

Furthermore, I need to pee.

An internet homie of mine made those from that Halle Berry-poster one. Cool, huh?

You know, you know/no you don't, you don't

I hate being dependent on my parents. Being dependent on anything actually, but especially my parents. Being dependent means that they have power over me, in terms of being able to set rules which I have to follow in order to have a reasonably good life. This is normal, yes. It's what they're supposed to do, and it's always been like that. It would be alright if it weren't for the incredible stupidity behind some of the above mentioned rules.

This means that I have to follow these not very well thought-through rules and do the things that these rules prescribe. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

HAHA!

Take that, ZPAMMAZ!

ps. Try commenting on this entry.

Just realized I can take pictures with my dad's cellphone, send them as MMS's to my own, crappy phone, recieve a message that says "Hi! Some fuckhead sent you a pic but since your phone suxx0rs, you're gonna have to go to this and that website and type in the code IAMAJACKASS to see the message". Lovely system, means I can have nice and fresh pics of myself as display images on MSN all of the time. This is the freshest one, and I know I'm not my usual hot self here, but I kind of like it anyway. I have hair.

Uh, no, nothing new and juicy from me to you.

As you might have noticed, there's a lot of pictures here lately. Pictures are good when you don't have the energy, the willpower or the guts to carry out the thinking-part of the blogging process.

I'm at school now. First class, French, cancelled. I forgot to check with the bitches, since I left after lunch, but on the other hand, Kajsa called me asking about which CD's are good for burning at like 5 and she didn't say anything about French. Thus, I have slept 4 hours, due to late night chatting with Ian and consequently, not-on-time writing of (overdue) English homework.

It's so hard to tell if anyone really likes anyone at this stage, and I guess that's what's called flirting. (I really sound like that catholic school girl I am.) Sometimes I love it and sometimes I hate it, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. As soon as I see a blond man anywhere I start thinking OMFG it's Ian, and OMFG what's he doing in Malmö and OMFG will he say hi but inly for a split second because then I realize that it's not him.

Who's Ian, you might ask yourself? Well. Ian is the very nice guy I met in Gothenburg, a couple of weeks ago. Indeed, he is blond, and he's my age (18), but he graduated one year early from high school. Thus, he is now a student at Chalmers university of technology. Well, he hasn't been in school for a week, but he's enrolled there. Some kind of preparatory year, studying marth and physics. Fascinating, I know. (Grrblt, you're not allowed to make contact with this man if you would by any chance recognize him.) He wind surfs a lot and he's cool. Okay.

So, we've been chatting, calling each other and text messaging and I'm sorry to say it, but this is the most serious, romantic relationship I've ever had with a boy. Creepy? Yes. Sad? Very much so. But still, it's undeniably true. And by relationship, I do not mean any kind of explicit, mutual agreement or declaration of interest, but merely a relation one has to another person. Kind of like you have a relationship to your neighbor, your mailman, or your dog.

I was off men, you say? Yeah, I know. I haven't abandoned my ideals or anything like that, but the whole off-men thing was meant as a period of chilling off, a means of getting another perspective and a way of sort of, occupying myself while not occuppying myself, ultimately hoping to be surprised by omfg the greatezt love of my life.

People always say it's going to come when you least expect it. Well, I'm sad to say that I'll never lose hope of finding the person of my dreams tomorrow, or the day after that, or the day after that. Does that mean I'm always expecting it? And does, that, in turn, mean that I'll never relax and actually find Prince Charming? Jaysus.

lover, you should've come over

I wasn't supposed

to start hoping for things,

I know.

And that was because

I don't like feeling

like this.

purple haze all in my brain
lately things just don't seem the same
acting funny but i don't know why
excuse me while i kiss the sky

purple haze all around
don't know if i'm coming up or down
am i happy or in misery
what ever it is that boy put a spell on me

help me

help me

oh i don't know

purple haze all in my eyes
don't know if it's day or night
you've got me blowin

blowin my mind
is it tomorrow or just the end of time

who knows
help me

oh yeah
come on now
tell me
tell me
can't go on like this

EDIT: thanks jimi hendrix! i know this is illegal and i hope your record company people will never find out. luff.