Today I wore track pants to the library. My standards are deteriorating. Next I'll stop showering. Look what the IB is doing to me!

My beloved Rapidhare.de is giving me a rough time now, but I'll post some Dagens Visor later. Ciao... for now!

Digital

Oh, and I don't know if it's killing me or not that jailbait is playing hard to get/hates me at the same time as I'm playing hard to get/hate him.


One of the bloggers whose blog I read wrote Me and you baby. We're digital. I'm on, you're off. Since I can't say it better myself, I just... won't. Good night.

42

(NB: Apologies for the quadruple posts this afternoon. Blogger.com can kiss my shiny metal ass.)

Last night, as I was trying to swallow the panicky feeling in my gut, and as I was ignoring the little voice in my head that kept repeating "retakes, retakes, retakes 2007!" in a gleeful tone, I thought about, to add to my glorious mood, getting the Bird Flu. Yeah, yeah, the risks are extremely slim and media is hyping it all. That's not the point, though; in this specific chain of thoughts, I could have any deadly disease and be told that I have, say, two months to live.

The first reaction that comes to mind is the incredible sadness, blah blah blah. However, I think that the overwhelming feeling occupying my soul after such a message would be immense disappointment with myself and my life, and what I have achieved so far.

Look at it this way: my greatest achievement would probably be the academic stuff, like going to a good school and all of that. Sure, that's fine, but

• I really don't enjoy it. Am I or am I not constantly bitchinga bout school?
• The only purpose of getting a good education is because you're planning ahead. Far, far ahead.
  

Don't get me wrong, long-term planning is totally the shit, BUT only when mixed with appropriate amounts of short-term planning such as

• Let's get super drunk tomorrow!
• I want to work at a farm in Oklahoma.
• Hi, wanna make out?

I have yet to travel somewhere far away alone; to find the love of my life; to work as a waitress; to road trip through the US; to get kidnapped in Mexico; to experience a painful break-up; to win a beauty pageant; to visit the North and/or South pole; to learn Russian; to learn surfing; to meet Stephen King; to be drunk every night for a week; to experiment with drugs; to become pregnant and give birth; to work as a florist; to win the lottery; to have a one-night-stand; to win a world-renowned award; to visit the Philippines; to get an STD; to meet the Dalai Lama; to try real Russian vodka; to visit a nuclear power plant; to try on a burka; to try on a sari; to be in a fist fight and to do a hell of a lot of other things. That's why it would suck to die in two months - all of that time invested in long-term planning would have been wasted.

Long-term planning doesn't make you happy. It might give you the security of knowing you have a plan, but plans rarely follow through. Didn't John Lennon or someone say that life is what happens while you're busy planning other things? My point exactly. I need some instant gratification, some pointless and amusing changes in my life, some impulsive stuff that might not show on my resumé but that will teach me something anyway.

I'm super deep.

Anyway, I think that this is the meaning of life. Not always planning ahead, but allwong oneself to be impulsive. To live in the moment. Sound familiar? Oh yeah. Carpe diem.

(It's slightly annoying that all of my deep entries boil down to clichés and generalized themes. I guess that's the point of them, though - that you're supposed to be able to see a small number of different themes in all texts, only with variations. I guess this one was Carpe diem. Again.)

This is the explanation to why I want to take a year off from school. Not sure my mom would find it valid.

Speaking of school, I applied to Law school, the Pol Mag program and the Economic program at the University of Lund. The last one is a bit of a wild card, but we'll see. I'm 95% sure that I'll decline any offers anyhow, but applying was fun. Uhm... Fun, yeah.

Oh, you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet and hold the earth in place

Some more Bright Eyes for you. I know I'm not being very versatile, but cut me some slack. Bright Eyes is my favourite band (at the moment). I just want everybody to hear'em. Maybe you'll start liking them, too – who knows?

Today, I woke up at 9. It's now 11.20 and I haven't done much. I have:

• Drunk coffeee
• Had breakfast: ham and cheese
• Spoken to Kajsa
• Watched half an episode of Suddenly Susan. Her eyebrows are mighty mighty.
• Listened to Bright Eyes
• Googled my horoscope
• Googled jailbait's horoscope

I'm trying very hard not to erase the last two points. I am so ashamed of myself. But I had to. After hanging out/studying with Kajsa for 6 hours at Vinyl, I was so affected by all of her zodiac blabber that I had to check it out. It's scarily accurate. I'm a Gemini and he's an Aquarius. [I can't believe I'm writing this. Please forget about it after you've read it.] I found a forum, where some Aquarius girl had posted a message about her Gemini guy, asking how to attract him more. The answers she was given made me very upset, because they all would have worked excellently with me. I don't want people to have a goddamned website telling them how to drive me crazy!

Anyway... I'm getting a hang of the biology. One week left and math is the only thing I need to really revise. I'm on top of the world!

One month left to Berlin. I can't wait.

Now, I sing and drink and sleep on floors
And try hard not to be annoyed
By all these people worrying about me
So when I'm suffering through some awful drive
You occasionally cross my mind
It's my hidden hope that you are still among them
Well are you?

Dagens visa

Step away from the angst, kids! Here's Gnarles Barkley (I'm too lazy to even google that weird name).

Lame attempt at fashion blogging

Oh, and this is what I look like today:


I'll never have a fasion blog, huh? Earrings from H&M, grey tank top that used to be my mom's, but she didn't wear it a lot so I stole it. Hair is fluffed, moussed, sprayed and fastened using the Hairpin From Hell. Wearing bronzing rouge from The Bodyshop and mascara from Maybelline.

I'm also wearing a pink bra, black panties and black jeans, but you can't see that in the picture. Oh, and white socks and black leather Converse Hi-tops. Don't tell me you're not turned on.

Google Answers

Okay, since Blogger doesn't want me to post pictures I'll just link to them. Annoying, huh? And still, a most amusing survey.


Answer these questions by posting the first image that comes up on google image for the answer.

1. Your age on your next birthday

2. Your favourite colour

3. Your middle name

4. The last meal you ate

5. Your bad habit

6. Your favourite fruit/vegetable

7. Your favourite animal

8. The town you live in

9. The most useful thing in your house

10. The name of your pet

11. Your most recent purchase

12. Something that makes you happy

13. Your first name

14. Your last name

Cool, that last guy is probably a relative.

Where's the kid with the chemicals?

Ladies, gentlemen... I have discovered the miraculous upload/download sites. They allow me to post songs I want everyone to hear. It's probably super illegal but HEY you guys don't know who I am.

Here's a Bright Eyes song, filled with angst. Yummy. It's going to be like... Dagens Visa, remember that old thing? It was in the kiddie shows, like Björnes Magasine. A little kid stood in front of a camera, wearing an ugly red shirt, saying, "Hi my name is Angelica I'm going to sing a song it's a nice song it's called Broder Jakob it's about a boy his name is Jakob and he's somebody's brother I have a brother too but his name is Johan I hate him." Then some poor person would begin strumming a guitar and the child-person would sing the goddamned song out of key and everything. Anyway, this is Dagens Visa. Download and listen, for maximal pleasure. Not out of key, no. Not more than necessary for dear Conor.

I asked your name
You asked the time

Now it's two o'clock
The club is closed and we're up the block
Your hands on me
I'm pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth
Trying to keep the words from coming out

Gosh, he knows how to write, the boy.

But you
You
You write such pretty words

Right, so, I'm clearly in denial about school. When I had a week off in February I barely studied at all. Now I have to study like, a lot, and I still only have one week to do it. Great.

Maybe it's the weather. Sunny and blue skies. Maybe it's because I had a good make-up day. I don't know.

Okay whatever. Stay tuned for more Dagens Visor! I'm so smart for thinking of that.

Weak

Silent night, broken night
All is fallen when you take your flight
I found some hate for you, just for show
You found some love for me, thinking I'd go
Don't keep me from crying to sleep
Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, moonlit night
Nothing's changed
Nothing is right
I should be stronger than weeping alone
You should be weaker than sending me home
I can't stop you fighting to sleep
Sleep in heavenly peace

Damien Rice/Lisa Hannigan

I'm so weak.

I can't stay away from Blogger.com.

I can't stay away from apple cake with brown sugar and cinnamon.

And I most certainly can not stay away from the drug formerly known as jailbait.

I should be stronger. (...) The masochist inside me is convinced that I'm in control of the situation, that I can walk away without a second thought. The realist inside me is wearing a questioning frown which is occasionally exchanged for a wild giggling sequence.

God damnit, I forgot my point. Well, here's a shamelessly faux-mysterious update on the secret side of my life.

Why am I so giddy? I ought to be depressed at the mere thought of this situation. Oh, I know. My fallopian tubes are vibrating. Hot. Piece. Of. Ass.

SHE'S LOSING IT

Wow, I sure managed to stay away from blogger.com for a while. Uh, not. Two weeks is all I can handle.

Thing is, I can’t stand myself when I try to be all mysterious and not tell cyberspace and half of IB1 about what’s going on. What I mean is that it’s difficult to blog right now, because I just want to blog about things that I can’t blog about, out of sheer self-respect. Therefore, my entries are mysterious and probably not very interesting. I apologize for this, and promise to try and change the course of my life so that it goes back to normal and I can write blogs about how boring my life is.

I miss Martin and I want to stop time. Yesterday I couldn’t sleep, because I realized that I still have no idea what I want to do. Going to college this year is unthinkable, even though I’ve applied and thus gotten my mom’s hopes up. Bah, who cares about mom’s hopes, anyway? I’m supposed to be focusing on my hopes. It’s difficult, especially since I don’t know what they are.

Oh god, my headache is killing me. Say hello to the annual spring cold. I promised myself I wouldn’t get sick right before exams. I’m a lousy liar.

What a depressing blog entry. Time to make a happy-list:

• I’m going to BERLIN next month, with some of my closest friends. It’s going to be great.
• Late May and Early June is full of parties. I have like 10 different ones planned in as we speak
• My friends are cool. They care.
• My cat has not been hit by a car, which I automatically assume every time he doesn’t come when I call him. He’s lying on a blanket on the windowsill as we speak.
• School isn’t so bad. I have ¾ of biology (rather easy), 2/5 of math and ½ of history left to revise. It’s gonna be okay.

I’m still losing it, though.

This is how I feel

This is how I feel

This is how I feel

dear blog, i love you, i really do, but i think i need to take a break. things are starting to feel odd between us and i need some alone-time.

i hate it when people say that but i need to

• study
• figure out what's wrong

i'm sorry.

How pathetic. I seriously think I'm going to be alone for all of my life. Or at least until I'm like 22, and I don't know if I can take four more years.

Let me kiss you

It's raining. Like, a lot. It's really cosy. Sigh. It's cool, I'll just listen to a 50+ man singing about kegs and legs and kisses and himself and daffodils or something.

Today was cool though. Kajsa and I went window shopping for graduation outfits, didn't find much. I guess white clothes are difficult to make pretty. All the dresses were depressingly boring. I have this image in my head of the perfect graduation dress, where the hell is it? Apart from my head, that is. After the non-shopping, we went to Solde, this cool coffee bar with a very cute staff. Here's one of them:


Yes, I am indeed a stalker. Anyway, this guy let me make Kajsa's cappucino for her! It was so cool. He liked my hair yesterday too, and he listens to Bright Eyes. And oh yeah, he's married.

Liv, jag förstår dig inte.

History revision makes people sick

This is me, revising history

I want to tell you a story
About a little cutey
She's ass-slappin' pretty
And voluptuous fingers
Wanna let her lick me
Stick the thick of my pussy
And as I cross the street
She looks good enough to eat - me!

Kitty!
Your flesh is so
Your flesh is nice
Your flesh is nice
Let me take a bite
Flesh is so nice

Oh, I take off my belt
Oh, I whip the staircase
Whip the staircase
Oh, kill all the men
Everything's dead to them
You're the only one I follow
Come on and let me give you that 'O'

Flesh is nice
Your flesh is so
I wanna take you twice
Your flesh is nice
Your flesh is so
Your flesh is nice

Your flesh is nice
Wanna take a bite
Your flesh is so
Your flesh is so nice
Your flesh is so
Your flesh is nice
Your flesh is so
Your flesh is nice
Your flesh is so
Your flesh is nice

No, I'm not gay, as the lyrics might suggest. I'm just tired.

Today was a long day. I'm horny. Bye.

fine, be that goddamned way. i don't need you.


(yes i do, stop it, i hate this.)

Happi!

Got 1.7 on the Swedish SAT's. That's pretty good, average is like 0.9. I can go to law school on 1.7. Happi.

The graduation hats came today. Mine's beautiful. Will try to show you a pic later.

Just drove in the 5th gear. I love my driving instructor, he forces me to violate laws.

I have an afro hairdo today. I'm cool, I know. Happi!