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(NB: Apologies for the quadruple posts this afternoon. Blogger.com can kiss my shiny metal ass.)

Last night, as I was trying to swallow the panicky feeling in my gut, and as I was ignoring the little voice in my head that kept repeating "retakes, retakes, retakes 2007!" in a gleeful tone, I thought about, to add to my glorious mood, getting the Bird Flu. Yeah, yeah, the risks are extremely slim and media is hyping it all. That's not the point, though; in this specific chain of thoughts, I could have any deadly disease and be told that I have, say, two months to live.

The first reaction that comes to mind is the incredible sadness, blah blah blah. However, I think that the overwhelming feeling occupying my soul after such a message would be immense disappointment with myself and my life, and what I have achieved so far.

Look at it this way: my greatest achievement would probably be the academic stuff, like going to a good school and all of that. Sure, that's fine, but

• I really don't enjoy it. Am I or am I not constantly bitchinga bout school?
• The only purpose of getting a good education is because you're planning ahead. Far, far ahead.
  

Don't get me wrong, long-term planning is totally the shit, BUT only when mixed with appropriate amounts of short-term planning such as

• Let's get super drunk tomorrow!
• I want to work at a farm in Oklahoma.
• Hi, wanna make out?

I have yet to travel somewhere far away alone; to find the love of my life; to work as a waitress; to road trip through the US; to get kidnapped in Mexico; to experience a painful break-up; to win a beauty pageant; to visit the North and/or South pole; to learn Russian; to learn surfing; to meet Stephen King; to be drunk every night for a week; to experiment with drugs; to become pregnant and give birth; to work as a florist; to win the lottery; to have a one-night-stand; to win a world-renowned award; to visit the Philippines; to get an STD; to meet the Dalai Lama; to try real Russian vodka; to visit a nuclear power plant; to try on a burka; to try on a sari; to be in a fist fight and to do a hell of a lot of other things. That's why it would suck to die in two months - all of that time invested in long-term planning would have been wasted.

Long-term planning doesn't make you happy. It might give you the security of knowing you have a plan, but plans rarely follow through. Didn't John Lennon or someone say that life is what happens while you're busy planning other things? My point exactly. I need some instant gratification, some pointless and amusing changes in my life, some impulsive stuff that might not show on my resumé but that will teach me something anyway.

I'm super deep.

Anyway, I think that this is the meaning of life. Not always planning ahead, but allwong oneself to be impulsive. To live in the moment. Sound familiar? Oh yeah. Carpe diem.

(It's slightly annoying that all of my deep entries boil down to clichés and generalized themes. I guess that's the point of them, though - that you're supposed to be able to see a small number of different themes in all texts, only with variations. I guess this one was Carpe diem. Again.)

This is the explanation to why I want to take a year off from school. Not sure my mom would find it valid.

Speaking of school, I applied to Law school, the Pol Mag program and the Economic program at the University of Lund. The last one is a bit of a wild card, but we'll see. I'm 95% sure that I'll decline any offers anyhow, but applying was fun. Uhm... Fun, yeah.